Abandon All Fear

What nobody else seems to be saying…

Archive for November, 2005

Nasal Assault at the Greasy Spoon

Posted by Lex Fear on November 29, 2005

Today, as part of The Clown’s initiative, I was out with one of our account managers visiting customers. Not that I didn’t want to be doing that, I’d normally jump at the opportunity to spend a day away from my desk. However it’s the thought of the full Inbox and piling up of requests that makes me less than ecstatic.

The account manager, let’s call her ‘Megan’, was a full-bodied but well dressed, well presented person, till we got to her BMW. On climbing in I was hit by the waft of, what I could only surmise was, the smell of last nights fish and chip take-away. Ok, I thought, so maybe Megan was busy yesterday and didn’t have time to go home for a proper meal, she just bought a bag of chips and ate them in the car. We’ve all committed that sin often enough, so fair enough. The morning went slow but OK, then it came to lunch. Lunch was where I discovered perhaps the cars’ smell of stale grease was not the forgivable irregularity, in the life of an otherwise average sanitary individual, that I had assumed it was.

After mulling over what we fancied for lunch, Megan spotted “Bobs Cafe”, a greasy spoon sandwiched between a local newsagent and pizza take-away in the middle of a terrace of local shops. A place, by the look of it from the outside, I would normally avoid for sanitary reasons. Already as we got out of her car and approached my stomach began to turn at the thought of what we may find. “If it doesn’t look nice we’ll leave and go somewhere else” Megan assured me. As we entered through the PVC door of the cafe, it was at this point that I discovered that my interpretation of something ‘looking nice’ differed vastly from Megan’s. The first thing to hit you walking in was the the cigarette smoke, combined with the smell of the cold stale grease of a thousand sausages gone before.

As I tried to change my stomach setting from ‘spin’ to ‘rinse and hold’, we ordered our all day breakfasts. It was then I remembered the call of nature, and therefore inquired as to the availability of a WC. I was informed that one was installed, and that it was “Just back there, love” by the lovely toothless lady I’ll call ‘Norma’. On reaching the Males toilet, I discovered it occupied and made my way back to the front.
“Did you find it, love?” Norma blared.
“Yes, but it’s occupied” I replied sullenly.
“Oh that’ll be Brian, oh dear, it will probably smell, use the ladies if you like”
Although it was a kind (if unrefined) gesture, I declined as the door to the gents was opening. Out stepped old Brian with a grey beard, and a hook instead of a hand. Now I know it’s not PC, but for some reason odd thoughts came into my mind about the hook and attending to his business in the toilet, which I immediately dismissed. Instead I braced for the aroma I was about to confront upon entering the rudimentary lavatory. Oddly enough there was no smell, in fact, rather amazingly, it’s the only cafe/restaurant I have ever been to for which I can declare that the toilets smelt fresher than the actual place of eating.

By now, my nasal passages had adapted to the redolence of Bobs Cafe and I sat down with Megan who had lit up her 3rd cigarette today. “I normally don’t come to places like this” she confided. Yeah right.

At this point along came Norma with our breakfasts, placing them on the table. Now I don’t always give thanks before my meals, but you can bet your right arm I was blessing the provision before me right now. “Bless this food Lord. Please don’t let me get food poisoning, or something worse”. I picked up my knife and fork, about to partake of my breakfast plate, when Norma stopped me in my tracks, interjecting in her blazon style:
“Did he make it smell bad, did he?”

Tags:

Advertisements

Posted in Anecdotes, Dark Side of the Light, Ha-has, Uncircumcised Philistines | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

What Did God Say?

Posted by Lex Fear on November 27, 2005

I drove to London yesterday to see an old friend who had flew in from Washington. We spent some time chatting and catching up with each other, then sure enough it got round to politics. Now I haven’t blogged on here about politics yet, and it’s not because I’m not interested, it’s actually one of my favourite subjects. I haven’t blogged simply because I have so much to say I wouldn’t finish. Plus there are lots of other blogs doing politics.

[Joe], my friend, is very worried about where his country is headed, the patriot act, invasions of privacy, all that stuff. I have to say I share the same sentiments. We shared a few jokes over Bush. I saw a cartoon recently, George Bush on the the telephone and the voice on the other end “George, it’s GOD, from now on try to play down our relationship.”

I can’t believe the hypocrisy of the UK and US governments at the moment. It seems odd that God would tell a bunch of guys to fly planes into the twin towers, and now it was God who told the President to attack Iraq. Anyone would think the God we have is some sort of Greek god of war, waging bets over the nations against the other gods like some sort of gargantuan cock-fight.

I can’t believe that opposition parties in both countries have failed abysmally to see the irony and the hypocrisies in the whole affair, so I’m going to point them out.

  • We invaded Iraq because Saddam had WMD, but he didn’t have any WMD.
  • Then they said it was to bring and end to a torturous regime, So we remove Saddam and inflict our own torture, but call it ‘abuse’.
  • Notice how if someone was stepped and forced into lurid sex acts in the UK, it would be called sexual abuse. They would probably be jailed then put on a sex-offenders list. When it’s carried out by our troops, it’s called sexual ‘humiliation’, not ‘abuse’. Because to abuse someone that’s just perverted, but to humiliate someone, well that’s just not nice.
  • We invaded to bring freedom to the Iraqis, but at home, we remove civil liberties and freedom bringing in draconian laws to detain people and use evidence extracted by torture.
  • We brought ‘democracy’ to Iraq and removed a regime that tortured dissidents, but Iraq’s own ‘US Trained’ security forces have been inflicting torture.
  • We got rid of a despot who used chemical weapons on his own people, and now we are using chemical weapons on those same people of Iraq.
  • hypocrisy doesn’t just end with the government. Back when the invasion was beginning, like churches all over the US and the UK I’m sure, at my church one of our pastors led a prayer for the troops. The only thing I could think was ‘who’s praying for the Iraqis, the ones our troops are killing?”. Now I don’t think we shouldn’t pray for our troops, but we have to not buy into Bush’s whole world view of Good and Evil. Too many conservative Christians are doing this.

I don’t care how much Bliar or ‘Burning’ Bush attempt to justify this war/insurgency or whatever, the more it goes on, the more ironies turn up… more and more it seems there was no reason invade in the first place.

I don’t even want to start on the home front and the erosion of our own freedoms, all I will say is the Brave New World of 1984, here we come.

Posted in Absolute Power, Anti-Terrorists, Bollotics, Morals & Ethics, Pharisees, Propaganda, The Religious Wrong | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Sunday Mails Mega Christmas Album!

Posted by Lex Fear on November 20, 2005

Today I bought a copy of the Sunday Mail (I wanted some easy reading and wasn’t up to the intelligent editorials in the Times or Independent). Enclosed in the magazine wrappers was a part one of a double CD: “The Mega Christmas Album”. I’m not that enthusiastic about the descendant of a pagan festival that is Christmas when the season is upon us, let alone middle of November. However I do enjoy listening to Christmas carols and their modern contemporaries.

So you can imagine my surprise and joy to find such festive hits as “Do Do Ron Ron” by The Crystals and “Build Me Up Buttercup” by the Foundations. Nothing better to get you in the Christmas spirit than a bit of Fontella Bass (Rescue Me). You can tell I’m already in the Christmas mood. Here is a run-down of the festive tunes as offered by the Sunday Mail:

1. YMCA – Village People – the carol singers favourite
2. Build Me Up Buttercup – Foundations
3. When Will I See You Again – The Three Degrees
4. We Are Family – Sister Sledge – great for that gathering to sing around the fire
5. Let’s Dance – Chris Montez
6. My Guy – Mary Wells
7. Do Do Ron Ron – The Crystals
8. Let’s Twist Again – Chubby Checker
9. Dancing In The Street – Martha Reeves – a Christmas classic
10. Rescue Me – Fontella Bass
11. I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
12. She’s A Lady – Tom Jones – nothing can stop Grandma from singing this one

I can tell you’re feeling Christmassy already!

Tags:

Posted in Anecdotes, Buyer Beware, Dark Side of the Light, Ha-has | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Is Atheism Important in British Society?

Posted by Lex Fear on November 14, 2005

I am a Christian, but I don’t feel the need to impose my faith on anyone who is not. I don’t wish to be a moral crusader against the media or any other public group. I do hope that by living my life, as genuinely, humanly and fallibly as I can, that others may be drawn to Christ, and know the hope that I know and be released from all that binds them.

I don’t intend to trash other people’s ideas or opinions, but it’s disturbing when you come across the trash that some people have to say, when they clearly have not thought out at all their arguments.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Duh!, Opinion, Propaganda, Quoteyness, Uncircumcised Philistines, Warring Memes | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

[Spam] Zombie Spammers

Posted by Lex Fear on November 12, 2005

One thing that really gets on my tits, is those stupid email forwards. You know the ones, little Kirsty is dying of a major disease and she can only afford the operation if you to forward this email onto everyone including your dog. Or Bill Gates is giving his money away, just forward this on to everyone and your goldfish. The first time, years ago, I received an email like this, the first thing I did was look it up. Google wasn’t around then but Yahoo and Altavista were (still are). Straight away you can find out what you need to know.

10-15 years on and I still get these emails every now and then – “It’s probably not true, but I could do with the cash”. Sometimes I just want to slap them in the face but unfortunately these are friends and I can’t do that (especially as some are bigger than me). Wherever possible, with my uninformed friends, I try to take the time (which they didn’t) to find a worthy source, and REPLY ALL with a link, informing them of their error.

What really grates me is the fact that people genuine common sense and intelligence seems to go out the window when it comes to email. I mean, can you imagine the postman knocking your door one morning and gave you a mail which said

” Bill Gates wants to give you his money. Just Photocopy this letter 100 times and post it to all your friends and family, then wait for the checks to pour in…”

You would screw it up, dismiss it and perhaps put in a complaint to the Postal Service. Yet an email arrives, no postage paid, no verifiable source, and immediately we are motivated into action, “whatever it takes”, I’m just doing my part to make sure Kirsty gets her organ.

The problem with these emails is that they play on our apathy and greed. See, it costs nothing to send an email, and at the same time you can get the warm feeling inside that you have done your part to make the world a better place. Never mind the sacrifice it takes to help someone in need, the problems that people experience in real life. No we don’ t really care, but we want to feel like we care, to feel like we are doing something. This is only matched by our greed, Wow someone is giving money away? I’ll have some of that. Again, what does it matter about hard work, creating your own opportunities and taking responsibility for your own actions?

Unfortunately it seems the battle for intelligence over technology seems to be losing. This lack of acumen seems to have invaded the realm of text messaging now. The other day I received a text message from another well-meaning friend:

WELL MEANING BUT DUMB FRIEND:
Just recevd this FWD: Pls pray for Pastor Ferdie Flores, missionary in East Timor.he is going to be executed tomorrow by beating.Pls forward to all Christians (sic)

ME:
Hi WMBDF, do you have any details? How do you know he isn’t dead already and that this text wasn’t circulated yesterday?

WMBDF:
Hi ALEX, cant be over sure although quite a few people got text at same time. . Not sure how we will find out?

Tags:

Posted in Anecdotes, Duh!, Technology, Uncircumcised Philistines | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Mind the Gap

Posted by Lex Fear on November 11, 2005

“I always felt, when Jesus talked of forgiveness and acceptance of those who don’t deserve it, or are outsiders, that Jesus was talking of not just a state of mind, but an action. It seems I stand corrected.”

Up until 2 weeks ago I was a volunteer with youth at the church. I guess unofficially I still am. However 2 weeks ago, events came to a culmination which ended up in a private conversation with the Youth Pastor advising him I was ‘taking a break’. In actual fact, I’m not sure if this break won’t become permanent due to a number of factors. But I get the feeling I’m not going to be missed in the youth ministry. Unfortunately, my views and my approach to young people are not things which are appreciated.

For instance, when it comes to troubled young people, who only know how to attract attention through yobbish behavior and general mischief, it seems that an attitude of forgiveness just sends the wrong message to these young hoodlums. After all their parents have failed them, the authorities have failed them, the schools have failed them and the police don’t care for them. It’s the duty of the church, the last institution, standing in the gap before total destruction, to follow suit and strike them off also.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Anecdotes, Justice & Mercy, Little Hitlers, Pharisees, The Purpose Missing Church | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »