Abandon All Fear

What nobody else seems to be saying…

Posts Tagged ‘satire’

[Gay Dog] Legosexuality

Posted by Lex Fear on October 19, 2006

When Dodger was younger he used to date my leg. My leg broke it off because it was afraid of commitment, and wasn’t ready to become a humping post.

Here is a video of Dodger getting a backrub from my leg. Dodger was never sure if he was straight or gay, but I think from this video we can all agree, Dodger is a legosexual.


Posted in Analogies, Anecdotes, Ha-has, Opinion, Video, Warring Memes | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Satire] Read My Niqab

Posted by Lex Fear on October 7, 2006

I’m considering wearing a bucket on my head when I have to speak to people outside my church.

If they can’t understand what I’m saying due to the reverberations of my voice in the bucket, or get conflicting messages because they can’t read my expressions, I will then accuse them of failing to understand my beliefs, being racist, anti-Christian and creating a divide between me and them.

After I live in a democratic country where I am free to express my beliefs and opinions and it’s an expression of my religious freedom to wear a bucket on my head. I can communicate my ideas quite clearly with a bucket on my head, and if people refuse to understand then they are obviously fascists.


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Posted in Dark Side of the Light, Ha-has, Morals & Ethics, Opinion, Pharisees, The Religious Wrong | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

[Seriously] So you want to be a Christian?

Posted by Lex Fear on October 1, 2006

Rev. Simon Peters of University of Southampton Chaplaincy has stepped over the line with 10 reasons to be a Christian.

I’m not going to recreate them here as I believe they are far too oppressive towards people of other faiths or groups like the GPA, but they’re worth a look.

And if anyone is reading this, I’m going to put a twist on the question, feel free to comment:

Why do you call yourself a Christian? or
Why aren’t you a Christian?

I’m also going to add a few random tags to snag drive-by visitors.

Negative feedback welcome!


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Posted in Blogidarity, Dark Side of the Light, Laymans Theology | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

[Infallibility] Ulterior Verse of the Day: Romans 3:22-24

Posted by Lex Fear on October 1, 2006

“We are made right in God’s sight when we trust in the Pope to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done.

For everyone but the Pope have sinned; fallen short of the Popes’ infallibility. Yet now the Pope in his gracious kindness declares us not guilty. He has done this through the ex Cathedra, on this occasion..” – Romans 3:22-24 NLT

Is an apology a sign of admission of error? Depends on whether you are the Pope and you are speaking ex cathedra or not. Today’s Ulterior Verse of the Day was inspired by an article from BBC Magazine. So is the Pope infallible, and just how infallible is he?

It seems to me that you can be both infallible and fallible dualistically, depending on how many people or religious groups you offend.

Some people may question a dichotomy such as this but I can see the benefits of such a theology. I’ve been dying to tell 18-35’s Pastor how much his preaching sucks, and now I think I’ve found a way.


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Posted in Churchianity, Dark Side of the Light, Duh!, Laymans Theology, Pharisees, The Purpose Missing Church | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Asinine] A Suggestion for the Venue of the next UN Summit

Posted by Lex Fear on September 21, 2006

Editors Note: The original video got lost in blog transfer!

Finally there is hope world leaders will be able to find some common ground. This video is all that is needed for world peace.


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Posted in Analogies, Bollotics, Video | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Asinine] Nuns don’t have ‘G-Spot’ – Scientists Say

Posted by Lex Fear on August 30, 2006

Canadian scientists have put to rest the theories that Nuns have a “God-spot” in their brains.

Plans are already in motion for their next big research project: Dissecting 5 AOG Ministers to test the theory that there is a ‘God or Jesus-shaped’ hole in each of our hearts.


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Posted in Dark Side of the Light, Duh!, Ha-has, Religion & Science | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Religious Peedom] Don’t Shit On Mecca

Posted by Lex Fear on August 23, 2006

I was sent this link to BBC News this morning:

“Facilities in a prison are being built so Muslim inmates do not have to face Mecca while sitting on the toilet…

“…Faith leaders had told prison bosses it was unacceptable for Muslim inmates to face Mecca while using the toilet…

…The refurbishment has been carried out with due consideration for all faiths”, a Home Office spokeswoman said…”

If you ask me this is just a waste of your “freedom of religious expression”. If it was me I’d be milking it for all I could get-

“Sorry, these bars are facing the wrong way to my spiritual homeland, please move them”
“My faith calls for me to do everything wearing no clothes for at least 5 hours a day”
“Allah gets offended if I don’t eat enough Ben & Jerry’s”
“My faith requires me to attend a cinema to pray at least twice a week”

Still, we have to give them credit for toilets, I don’t think anyone could top that idea! So is this asymmetrical warfare against plumbers or what?

There’s too many jokes in this and I’ve gone for the obvious, can you do any better? Leave a comment, that goes for all you lurkers…


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Posted in Dark Side of the Light, Ha-has, The Religious Wrong | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Life Imitates Art] Police Call for Renaming England – “Mega City One”

Posted by Lex Fear on August 15, 2006

From the BBC.

“It is therefore time to debate whether constables should be given substantial additional, discretionary, summary powers to meet these challenges… such powers would effectively bring existing criminal justice system powers to the street.” – Chief Judge McGruder of Surrey Police

Other Mega City One News:

Man Acting Suspiciously In A Train Station
I Invented Judge Dredd
Mega City One – Wikipedia
History of Mega City One


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Posted in Absolute Power, Analogies, Copland, Justice & Mercy, Little Hitlers, Minitruth | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Freedom] Iranian Blogger gets past Censorship Barriers…

Posted by Lex Fear on August 14, 2006

… Tells Story to World.

Considering the censorship and lack of freedom of the media and the internet in Iran, blogs continue to flourish.

The latest blogger to break through the censorship barrier, writes about growing up in Iran poor, Iranian government and it’s history, and how he thinks it was a good idea to attack Saddam Hussein.

As reported by the BBC.. Please visit Mahmood‘s blog and show your support for Iranian blogging.


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Posted in Pharisees, Propaganda, Technology | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Bollotics] UK Threat Level: Critical

Posted by Lex Fear on August 11, 2006

Following yesterdays suspected plot to blow up passenger planes bound for the US, the threat of Government introducing new legislation remains critical.

“We should err on the side of caution,” said John Prescott today. “however I want to assure the British public that I am currently running the country whilst Blair is on holiday and, so we can guarantee that no new legislation will be passed in the short term.”

Britain has suffered from a number of draconian legislation attacks from New Labour ever since they came into power. The most recent being the UK’s Racial and Religious Hatred Act, dubbed 16/2 (16th February 2006).

When questioned how long the critical threat level would continue, Prescott’s answer was dubious, “We’re possibly looking at least another 3-4 years”.


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Posted in Analogies, Bollotics, Ha-has, Propaganda, Realpolitik | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »