Abandon All Fear

What nobody else seems to be saying…

Posts Tagged ‘inference’

[Bullshit] Fun With Selective Quotations

Posted by Lex Fear on May 31, 2006

The producers of Footloose, (the musical) showing currently in the West End are showing selective quotes on their website from The Sun and banners outside the theatre from The Daily Express:

“Sensational” – The Sun

“The Perfect Show” – The Daily Express

But what were the critics really trying to say in less words?

“despite one sensational country and western-influenced showstopper, this is a sort of poor man’s Saturday Night Fever, more tongue-tied than Footloose.” – Bill Hagerty – The Sun

Footloose is not about the plot, nor yet the characters, and it is certainly not about the performances which are almost uniformly end-pf-the-pier sub-West End standard, nor the choreography. No, it is about an audience coming to hear songs they already know from the film. It is the perfect show for those who hate surprises.” – Ruth Leon – The Daily Express

Have to credit Private Eye with this, picked up a copy today.

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[Solutions] Well Thought Out Concepts

Posted by Lex Fear on May 16, 2006

June 1st – Accident Free Day

That’s right, the company I work for, Politico, has come up with this brilliant idea for tackling the high level of accidents that happen in our industry. Another fine example of a managers typical ineffective response to a real problem.

I don’t know about you but when I wake up in the morning, I always intend to have an accident-free day. Is it just me or do people go to work thinking, ‘I’ll have an accident this morning, then maybe another one just before the end of my shift’?

See the problem with accidents is they’re accidents! They’re unplanned! How the hell do you go about planning an ‘accident-free day’?

Why stop at one day, why don’t we just declare an ‘Accident Free Day’ everyday of the year? We’d save a heck of a lot of money on insurance and perhaps we’d be able to do away with all those premiums altogether!

Politico Employee Survey

Apparently we are one of the top organisations in the country. It’s all down to this cleverly worded employee survey they put out a few months ago. Some of the responses included:

  • 89% of you feel you have a secure future at the company. Meaning: I will not be promoted and I have no hope of finding a job elsewhere.
  • 81% of you value the help that training provides. Meaning: If we were provided training it would be a help us do our jobs properly, rather than just relying on finding someone who knows how to do something.
  • 79% of you feel fully involved in the company. Meaning: They call my mobile if I’m on holiday.
  • 75% of you would recommend Politico to others as an employer… to avoid.

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Posted in Anecdotes, Ha-has, Propaganda, Uncircumcised Philistines | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Doublespeak] Inferred and Implied Meanings

Posted by Lex Fear on January 9, 2006

We currently live in a time where our government, elected leaders and leaders of corporate world rely on constantly on the use of certain words and certain language to disclose the truth, but in a way which infers something quite different from the reality. Take the example provided by the BBC today.

The article refers to a recent letter sent to local traders of Bournemouth by some sputnik at Dorset Police Head Quarters. The letter informed them that they should not report shoplifting thefts worth less than £75 and that detaining a criminal would be against the Human Rights Act.
A Dorset Police rep. has apologised for the letter and are quoted as saying:

“I would like to apologise to retailers who were led to believe that we may have
changed our policy.”

And,

“While sent with the good intention of reducing crime, the letter… was a
mistake and incorrect”

OK, now back to your GCSE English classes. This exercise tests your powers of observation, reasoning and ability to recognise implied meaning. Circle A, B, or C:

Question 1. Dorset Police have apologised to retailers.
A: Yes
B: No
C: Cannot be certain

Question 2. Dorset Police want to apologise to retailers.
A: Yes
B: No
C: Cannot be certain

Question 3. If retailers had followed the instructions in the letter, crime would have been reduced.
A: Yes
B: No
C: Cannot be certain

The next exercise tests your lateral thinking, reasoning and ability to hypothesize. Answers in paragraph format:

Question 4. Dorset Police clearly “would like to” apologise to retailers who received the letters. What is stopping them?

2 points.

Question 5. The letter sent out was intended to “reduce crime”. How would not reporting crimes fitting certain criteria actually reduce crime overall?

4 points.

End of Test. How did you do?

Since this kind of inference plagues our leaders and politicians, I intend to point out more of my observations in the area of implied meaning.. be on the lookout!

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