Abandon All Fear

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Archive for the ‘Spam Poetry’ Category

[Spam Poetry] Refuted

Posted by Lex Fear on March 30, 2008

Another edition for my new section capturing the evolving culture of spam, achieving in years, what a dozen monkeys and typewriter couldn’t do in 60 billion.


Hohe hoholulu

Become of tranquil soul. When a person abstains of their
nuptialsong. The night fell, shrouded who had vanquished
all the celestials with the the money i had taken from it
to my father’s purse, productive of grief. When bonds are
severed or of the impotently dumb. Rescued in the nick of
sprinkler. Fortune placed the ring in the basin, that might
be said but perhaps it could be better expectant of loving
regards from all her husbands for joy to see thee after
long absence all the also are very much smaller than those
of good jambu. Here hath been described the great depression
wheel, making circles from right to left. The begets upon
a spouse taken from the one order my wife first taught me
the knowledge of god,.
Martinolli Swor

There’s something elegant in the way author describes the nuptialsong. I haven’t really heard anyone describe the nuptialsong in this way. You can see a lot of time went into this work of art. It’s as though Swor is trying to communicate something, using a mixture of old and contemporary english words, and failing.

Posted in Ha-has, Spam Poetry | 2 Comments »

[Spam Poetry] Love That Comes To Late

Posted by Lex Fear on January 31, 2008

I don’t know whether it was boredom or procrastination or a mixture of both but I find myself reading some of my spam and have started to find it highly entertaining!

For example there’s the President of the Central Bank of Nigeria and his associates always emailing to keep me updated on my investments. I’ve invested so much money I’m going to be a gazillionaire by the time the cheques clear. Any day now they say.

Then there’s the the lonely girls. They’re always emailing me as soon as they spot my profile on the tubes. Too bad I’m married but that doesn’t stop them inviting me to their websites for a chat. One problem though… my penis is too small… apparently. I thought I was an average guy but to them it’s clear I need to substantially enlarge the volume of my ‘male meat’, ‘supersize’ my willy and get a Huge! in my pants.

But has anyone noticed how artsy some spam emails are getting these days? Sometimes they don’t even contain a link, just a garbled message in pidgen English or similar dialect. It’s as though spam is evolving a culture. So I thought I’d begin sharing some of the more evocative ones and see how it goes.

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you…

Love That Comes To Late

Love that comes to late like a
Then we shall have a match.

Lucas Sheffield

Feel free to leave some artsy witicism in the comments…

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Posted in Spam Poetry | 3 Comments »

[Spam] Iraq, Iraq, Iraq, The Eagle and the Koran (sic)

Posted by Lex Fear on October 3, 2006

A new and creative Urban Legend is making it’s way around the internet. D did the thoughtful thing of emailing me a copy as she knows I have a good Bullshat detector (kind of like a Bullshit detector but not as abrasive).

The email is as follows (100’s of email forward addresses removed), however I have interlaced it with my own observations:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Anecdotes, Dark Side of the Light, Dorks, Propaganda, Spam Poetry, The Religious Wrong, Uncircumcised Philistines | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

[Jobspam] Job Opportunities

Posted by Lex Fear on July 20, 2006

It seems Joan & Paul Jenkins aren’t the only people to spot my talents and decide I would be a good addition to their company. I received the following email today:

From: Vlan (email)
Subject: re:your resume


We have found your resume on Job web site(sic), and would like to offer you vacancy(sic) in our company.

If you interests(sic), more detailed information you can receive on ours web site(sic): http://www.****.us/ ( please send us email(sic) for more information ) vacancymillermorgans@Go-Chargers.com

We look forward to your reply.

Thank you.
Best regards,
Miller & Morgans inc.

Presumably literacy and grammar skills are not essential.

This job spam is new to me, so I’m going to give it a name. From now on I shall refer to any job-offer spam as ‘Jenkins’ or ‘Joan Jenkins’ as in:

“My inbox is just filled with Jenkins!” or “I got another email from Joan Jenkins today”.


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Posted in Anecdotes, Bad Company, Buyer Beware, Ha-has, Opinion, Spam Poetry, Uncircumcised Philistines, Wealth Creation | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Jobspam] No CV? No Problem for Total Jobs

Posted by Lex Fear on June 23, 2006

Total Jobs are definitely worth their salt. Yesterday I joined as a member but didn’t have time to edit and post my CV (resume). But that minor detail didn’t present any problems to Total Jobs, who got to work straight away to find me new opportunities (my emphasis added)…

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Posted in Anecdotes, Bank Robbers, Dorks, Morals & Ethics, Opinion, Predatory Systems, Quoteyness, Spam Poetry, Takeback, The Love of Libel, Uncircumcised Philistines, Wealth Creation | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »