Abandon All Fear

What nobody else seems to be saying…

Smash & Grab

Posted by Lex Fear on January 14, 2008

Or in my case, smash but no grab.

Today the passenger window of my car was smashed outside a friend’s flat I was visiting. The punks had obviously spotted my satnav cradle and were dumb enough to assume I was dumb enough to leave it in my glove box. Hence when I returned to my car I found all my junk (including CD case) spread all over the floor but nothing taken.

For some reason I’m more annoyed that nothing was taken. I mean, what a hassle now for me along with the £70 excess, and what a waste of their time that could have been spent on a more profitable venture. I’d like to get hold of one of them to explain in fine detail how they spoiled an otherwise fun afternoon and caused great inconvenience… then I’d like to ram their head through the other window. Still, vengeance is mine says God, and I really have to trust in the knowledge that God sees it all and will judge all. Lessons not learned in this life will be learned in the next.

In these cases it is customary to play the “pretend-crime-investigation” game. The game involved dialing the new ‘not a serious’ crime number to obtain a crime reference number, the crime reference number can then be used for my insurance to effectively do what I pay them to do anyway.

But as long as we are pretending to be interested in solving petty crime can we at least ask decent crime-solving questions? Two questions that stood out from the phone interview which caused me to utter an internalised WTF?

1. “Do you want this to be reported to the press?”
2. “What is your self-described ethnicity?”

Excuse me but what has my ethnicity or a byline in the Daily Mail got to do with pretend-crime-investigation? Are the press-scouts simply outsourcing their business to the police now?

I understand not much can be done about this sort of crime, so why don’t they allow us to fit Robocop-type car alarms that electrocute thieves?

Hey I never said I was a liberal.

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2 Responses to “Smash & Grab”

  1. mattghg said

    I remember thinking the same thing when my bike got nicked. I actually went in person to a Police station to report it, and at the desk was sent to a telephone booth to report the crime over the telephone. Very Kafka-esque.

    I wonder what would happen if you were to “self-describe” your ethnicity as “Martian”?

  2. MrTinkles said

    But you gotta love…
    2. “What is your self-described ethnicity?”

    My son recently had his car done over in the same way…however he WAS dumb enough to leave 1. His ipod, 2. His leather coat and 3. His bible in the car.
    All three went missing, so we just hope the thief reads the bible, gets converted and in a fit of repentance returns the ipod and coat (he can keep the bible, I’ve bought my son a new one!).

    Good blog….apologies for lengthy post on the previous post…it got me going!

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