Abandon All Fear

What nobody else seems to be saying…

[Jokes] Speaking of the Germans…

Posted by Lex Fear on February 27, 2007

Are these jokes racist?

A Glossary of English/German Motoring Terms

Indicators: Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
Bonnet (Hood): Die Pullnob und knucklechopper
Exhaust : Der Spitzenpoppenbangentuben

Clutch: Die Kulink mit schlippen und schaken
Puncture: Die Phlatt mit Bludyfucken
Learner: Die twatte mit ellplatz
Estate Car: Der Bagmerroom furschagginkinauto
Near Accident: Der Fukken ner Schittenselfen
Parking Meter: Der Tennerpinscher und Klockenqweer
Windscreen Wiper: Der Flippenflappen muckenschpredder
Footbrake: Der Edbangeronvindschreen Stoppenquick
Gear lever: Bigenschticken fur Kangarooshtoppen
Breathalyser: Die Puffitintem fur Pistenarsen
Rear View Mirror: Der Yokhunter Tucklosen
Seat Belt: Der Klunkinklikker Frauleintrapper
Headlights: Das Dipperenderdazzlubastad
Exhaust (old cars): Der Kaffenundschpitpolluter
Highway Code: Der Wipenfurarsen
Fog Warning: Die Puttenfootdownen und fukkit
Traffic jam: Die Bluddifukkinnk Dammundblast
Rear Seat: Der Schpringentester mit Fraulein
Tires: Flahttfarts
Backfire: Der Lowdenbangenmekkenjumpen
Accident: Der Bledinmess
Garage: Der heiway Robberung
Cyclist: Der pedallpushinink Pillocken
Skid: Der Banannan Waltzen
Double White Lines: Overtaken und Krunchen
Automobile: Honkenbrakenscreecher
Gasoline: Honkenbrakenscreecherzoomerjuicen
Driver: Honkenbrakenscreecherguidenschtunker
Auto Mechanic: Honkenbrakenscreecherknockengepinger-sputtergefixer
Repair Bill: Bankenrollergebustenuptottenliste
Truck: Der Fukkengratentrucken

Dog: Barkenpantensniffer
Dog Catcher: Barkenpantensniffersnatcher
Dog Catcher’s Truck: Barkenpantensniffersnatcherwagen
Garage for Truck: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenhaus
Truck Repairman: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagen-mechanikerwerker
Mechanic’s Union: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagen-mechanikerwerkerfeatherbedden- gefixengruppe

Doctor: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker
Nurse: Chestergethumpenpulsentookerhelper
Hypodermic Needle: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker-helperhurtensticker
Backside: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker-helperhurtenstickerstabbenplatz

Piano: Plinkenplankenplunkenbox
Pianist: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder
Piano Stool: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-spinnenseat
Piano Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-offengeshowenspelle
Fathers at the Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-offengeshowenspellensnoozengruppe
Mothers at the Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-offengeshowenspellensnoozen-gruppenuppenwakers

A German couple have a baby and name him Claus. As time goes by Claus grows up and yet never utters a word. After years of trying to find out what is wrong with him, his parents just accept that he’s mute.
On Claus’s 14th birthday he is given a slice of his favourite cake. Suddenly, Claus turns to his Mother and says “Mother dis cake is dry”.
Overcome with emotion at his new verbal state his mother rushes to him and cries,
“Claus, you can speak. Why have you never spoken before?”
“Well”, Claus replies, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory”

And finally, one that Alex was sent during his time working in Switzerland, which he translates for your pleasure:

Kreisverkehr

Stell dir vor du farhrst in England
Bist schon verwirrt genug weil du links fahren musst…
Da siehst du dieses Schild:
Are you travelling to a place in England? Already confused enough by travelling on the the left-hand side…? Then look at this picture:


und fragst: was erwartet mich jetzt?
and ask: what awaits me now?
und nach ein paar Meter kommst du da an…
and still a few meters further comes…

Wie ein Zauberkarussell!
A magic roundabout!
Es soll 3 oder 4 davon in England geben.
In Swindon, in London und Cardiff, nahe Southampton.
In der Mitte ist die Drehrichtung entgegengesetzt der Normalen.
There are 3 or 4 of these in England. In Swindon, London and Cardiff, near Southhampton. In the middle is the normal roundabout.

Die spinnen, die Englander
The crazy/spinning English! (‘spinnen’ in German means ‘spinning’ and is also used as a meaning for ‘crazy’)

Advertisements

One Response to “[Jokes] Speaking of the Germans…”

  1. Genius non-racism there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: