Abandon All Fear

What nobody else seems to be saying…

Archive for September, 2006

[Stupid Economy] Hard Up?

Posted by Lex Fear on September 15, 2006

Has this ever happened to you?

Disaster falls on a friend, they come to you for help. You call a town meeting and in front of everyone you promise to help them out big-time financially.

So they turn up one day to claim on that promise and you find yourself saying “Sorry but I’m a bit hard up at the moment, can we look at the figures again? Did I really promise that much?”

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Posted in Absolute Power, Analogies, Bollotics, Doublespeak, Morals & Ethics, Pharisees, Realpolitik | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Paranoia] It’s Always the Quiet Ones

Posted by Lex Fear on September 13, 2006

I think I’ve finally figured out how to stay safe and avoid getting murdered. Ask yourself the question: Could ‘Bob next door’ be serial killer? You may never have asked this question before but I am about to reveal a truth to you, pay attention, be warned!

Every now and then you see these stories in the papers or on the TV. Serial killing family with 30 bodies discovered under their patio, or serial killer who brought people back to his apartment before butchering them finally caught after 15 years.

Have you noticed they always interview the neighbour’s? And the story is always the same, “he was a nice man, never bothered anyone, quiet, kept himself to himself”.

See, it’s not the crazy stalker folk you have to avoid. It’s the quiet neighbour’s who are the real threat. Those friendly neighbour’s who don’t make too much noise, always respect your property/boundaries, obey the law etc… If you have a neighbour like this I suggest you start planning to move, don’t leave a forwarding address, just get out of there right now! If you can’t, at least have a relative call or check in on you everyday at the same time.

Here is a list of things I’ve compiled, that you should avoid if you suspect you are living next door to a serial killer:

  • Taking a bath or shower with the radio playing whilst your doors are unlocked
  • Nearby ponds and lakes
  • Inviting your quiet neighbour round for coffee
  • Going round to your neighbour’s for coffee and wandering into the wrong room instead of the bathroom
  • Asking your neighbour if you can borrow anything
  • Asking about your neighbour’s collection of paintings, furniture, spears or wedding photos (from several different weddings- she is always the bride)
  • Asking your neighbour if you can go in their garage/shed
  • Poking around in your neighbour’s garage/shed and discovering something that is out of place
  • Owning a dog which is partial to digging
  • Owning a dog which is partial to barking at shifty people
  • Mentioning your suspicions to your snooping/reporter relative
  • Inviting your snooping/reporter relative to stay for a few days
  • Taking on a lodger with good references (obviously made-up!)
  • Trying to discover more about the history of your old house

Today I was surfing for rental properties in Banbury. Found a decent priced place and emailed to book a viewing. Then I wondered what the area was like so I did a google for the street and building and came across an interesting local news article published in May:

Driver Is Held Up By Three Gunmen

It got me thinking about the kind of people you would be sharing an apartment block with. You can never be sure…

Be vigilant people!

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Posted in Anecdotes, Ha-has | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

[Churchianity] Holy Socks!

Posted by Lex Fear on September 11, 2006

I just have time to update you on the latest sub-cultural Pentecostal movement occurring at church. The future Mrs. Fear is visiting this week, so I am consigned to blogging late at night, as attempts during the day or evening are met with disapproval and frowning.

I noticed all the signs of the trend emerging. At a prayer meeting this week, the leader used inspiration from Moses and the burning bush to whip up the spiritual atmosphere. This morning we sang “We are standing on Holy ground“, and were informed of the meeting later this evening where we they would be asking people to take off their shoes.

It seems as though the latest Christian vogue is already taking hold. I predict we will start to see people removing their shoes in the Sunday morning service. Our level of holiness will soon equate with long we worship without our shoes on. Some of the more spiritual folk won’t even bother putting on their shoes on a Sunday even when doing their weekly shop at Tescos after the service. Newcomers and visitors will be bemused and puzzled, and met with those kind of silent “not one of us” eerie smile-stares. Those visitors will then take the movement to other churches around the nation. Soon, it will be considered a faux passe to visit church whilst wearing shoes. Those who do, just haven’t go the revelation yet.

Then I predict that 6 months later, someone will preach “you know, you don’t have to take off your shoes to worship!” There will be a ripple of chuckles and sighs of realisation throughout the congregation. Pretty soon, the smart cards in our cell groups will say things like “you know, we don’t always have to take off our shoes. In fact I was visiting a church in America the other day and they keep their shoes on the whole time.”

Everyone will soon begin affirming each other in the shoe-wearing way. Quicker than you can say “turn to the person next to you…” The culture will have shifted and everyone will be wearing shoes again. We will then re-affirm our self-realised title of a ‘pioneer church’ because we don’t wear shoes and we’re big (by our towns standards).

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Posted in Anecdotes, Churchianity, Dark Side of the Light, Ha-has, The Purpose Missing Church | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

[Tragedy] Blogger Beta Ate My Blogs!

Posted by Lex Fear on September 6, 2006

It’s a true blogging horror story, it wasn’t pretty…

It was a late Saturday night and I had finished making final edits to my blog template, getting the colours and the new heading all lined up, tidying up the links and shameless advertising. Finally satisfied, one final click back to the Dashboard, where I spy a an option to upgrade to the new Beta.

Cautiously I clicked for more information and was sold on instantly on the labeling options and the exile of Blogger’s wheel of update- 0%… 0%… 20%… 65%… 96%… 100%.

Then I did something utterly stupid and out of character. I was tired, it was late, the little teccie voice inside my head was indeed blurbing “Wait a minute, shouldn’t you test this with a new blog?”, but instead I just wanted to get ahead and so I entered my googlemail address and my blogs entered the void… purgatory… the black hole of Beta.

After emailing Beta Tec support and subscribing to Google Groups I didn’t seem to get anywhere. But lo and behold, Google truly giveth and Google taketh away… Google cache!

Basically my blogs – “abandonallfear.blogspot.com” and “darksidelight.blogspot.com” are gone and I don’t know when or even if they will be back. However, I was able to rescue almost my entire post archives through the glory of Google Cache.

If you’re having the same problem just google “cache:yourblog.yourbloghost.com”.

Since I was considering the merits of moving my blogs to my own Lycos-hosted server, blogger had merely forced my hand and so here it is. With my downloaded cache of old posts I shall soon be restoring and editing them to this blog, with the care and precision of someone restoring the Sistine Chapel.

For the time being, be prepared for this blog to look a little like someone who has come out of a major liposuction operation. Everything is there, it just needs a little nip and tuck.

My recreated blogs can now be found at http://www.abandonallfear.co.uk/blog and http://www.abandonallfear.co.uk/darksidelight/ Don’t forget to update your links!

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Posted in Anecdotes, Metablog, Technology, Uncircumcised Philistines | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

[Images] From My Travels…

Posted by Lex Fear on September 1, 2006

The gentleman in the last 2 pictures is my younger brother…







You may use any of these images, provided you credit or link back to www.abandonallfear.org.uk.

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