Abandon All Fear

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Archive for September 13th, 2006

[Paranoia] It’s Always the Quiet Ones

Posted by Lex Fear on September 13, 2006

I think I’ve finally figured out how to stay safe and avoid getting murdered. Ask yourself the question: Could ‘Bob next door’ be serial killer? You may never have asked this question before but I am about to reveal a truth to you, pay attention, be warned!

Every now and then you see these stories in the papers or on the TV. Serial killing family with 30 bodies discovered under their patio, or serial killer who brought people back to his apartment before butchering them finally caught after 15 years.

Have you noticed they always interview the neighbour’s? And the story is always the same, “he was a nice man, never bothered anyone, quiet, kept himself to himself”.

See, it’s not the crazy stalker folk you have to avoid. It’s the quiet neighbour’s who are the real threat. Those friendly neighbour’s who don’t make too much noise, always respect your property/boundaries, obey the law etc… If you have a neighbour like this I suggest you start planning to move, don’t leave a forwarding address, just get out of there right now! If you can’t, at least have a relative call or check in on you everyday at the same time.

Here is a list of things I’ve compiled, that you should avoid if you suspect you are living next door to a serial killer:

  • Taking a bath or shower with the radio playing whilst your doors are unlocked
  • Nearby ponds and lakes
  • Inviting your quiet neighbour round for coffee
  • Going round to your neighbour’s for coffee and wandering into the wrong room instead of the bathroom
  • Asking your neighbour if you can borrow anything
  • Asking about your neighbour’s collection of paintings, furniture, spears or wedding photos (from several different weddings- she is always the bride)
  • Asking your neighbour if you can go in their garage/shed
  • Poking around in your neighbour’s garage/shed and discovering something that is out of place
  • Owning a dog which is partial to digging
  • Owning a dog which is partial to barking at shifty people
  • Mentioning your suspicions to your snooping/reporter relative
  • Inviting your snooping/reporter relative to stay for a few days
  • Taking on a lodger with good references (obviously made-up!)
  • Trying to discover more about the history of your old house

Today I was surfing for rental properties in Banbury. Found a decent priced place and emailed to book a viewing. Then I wondered what the area was like so I did a google for the street and building and came across an interesting local news article published in May:

Driver Is Held Up By Three Gunmen

It got me thinking about the kind of people you would be sharing an apartment block with. You can never be sure…

Be vigilant people!


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