Abandon All Fear

What nobody else seems to be saying…

[History Rewrite] The JFK Seminar

Posted by Lex Fear on July 15, 2006

Following the success of The Jesus Seminar, like minded theologians, historians and political analysts have decided to apply their collective wisdom to another historical event which is surrounded in controversy and doubt.

Using a simple colour-coded voting system, The learned intellectuals and academics of The Jesus Seminar found it was possible to take eye-witness accounts of historical events and simply remove most of the parts they didn’t agree with. Realising that this system of deciding what historical facts you want to agree with seemed to work, they have applied it to the event surrounding the assassination of President John F Kennedy. They hope that they can finally settle the myths and conspiracy theories once and for all.

JFK Seminarians used the same technique they applied to the events of the gospels. They worked through each sentence of the press and government reports of the event and applied the following colour-coded system to decide:

Red: The historical reliability of this information is virtually certain.
Pink: This information is probably reliable.
Gray: This information is possible but unreliable.
Black: This information is improbable, it is largely or entirely fictional.

After hours of painstaking listening and then voting (guessing) on each sentence of the report, the JFK seminar finally released their own report which they held to be more accurate than the eyewitnesses, reporters and people who were there at the time.

The following is a summary of their account of the JFK assassination:
John F Kennedy was born in Massachusetts in 1917, He served in the Navy from 1941-1945. He was a catholic. He may have been the 35th President of the United States. and is thought to have sanctioned the Bay of Pigs invasion into Cuba and later negotiated the release survivors from the invasion but it may not have been a great number. There may have been some issue or crisis over nuclear missiles and the USSR, but since we are on friendly terms with Russia in modern times, that’s probably based on personal views at the time. The Peace Corps were founded largely on the belief that Kennedy was a President. He most likely backed the civil rights movement.

In 1963 it is held in wide belief that Kennedy was assassinated, but who the assassin was is unclear and since we have not had an assassination of an American President for a very long time, it is highly unlikely this event actually happened.Since both The Jesus Seminar and The JFK Seminar are held in high esteem amongst many intelligent people and academics, it will come as no surprise that even the current American and British governments have employed their methodology for determining policies and the truth in such matters as WMD in Iraq, link between Iraq and terrorism and success overall in The War Against Terror.

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