Abandon All Fear

What nobody else seems to be saying…

[Asinine] The Da Vinci Code Ruined My Faith!

Posted by Lex Fear on May 10, 2006

Ooooh Nooooo! Channel 5 will tomorrow expose the secret truth that I have tried to hide for 9 years as a born-again Christian! Supposedly this will rock the church and my faith.That’s right folks, it was never about studying the bible, personal experience, spirituality, conviction, bible evidence, working for the community, prayer, social action, worship or fellowship.

No, Gods purpose for the Church all along was to hide the fact and pretend that Jesus wasn’t married.What will the Church do now? Surely the whole institution will collapse, millions of believers everywhere will be left disillusioned. We will soon here testimonies such as:

“All my life there was something missing, I felt lost, confused and simply couldn’t move on until the Church told me that Jesus was married. Now I have discovered they have lied, I am no longer a believer and I feel let down.”

“The knowledge that Jesus wasn’t married helped me to beat my drug addiction and achieve my potential. All I can do now is go back to doing drugs.”

“Knowing that Jesus didn’t have any kids helped me to turn from a life of crime. Now I don’t know what I’ll do… I guess I’ll have to go back to mugging old ladies.”

So there you have it, 2000 years of careful scroll preservation, exposition, canonical scrutiny and debate, defeated by one, 500 year old painting.It doesn’t stop there. Since the discovery of the disciple to the left of Jesus in The Last Supper is, in actual fact, a woman, further revelations have been uncovered simply by staring at the painting:

  • Jesus was white with long hair.
  • 1st Century Jews sat on chairs with square tables and table-clothes, like 15th Century Italians.
  • 1st Century Jews wore clothes similar to Italians of the 15th Century.
  • Jewish women in the 1st Century wore mens clothing.
  • 1st Century Jerusalem was a beacon of 15th Century Italian architecture.

So much for all that historical data and archeological discoveries, eh?

Of course people who believe in the truth of “The Da Vinci Code” will be of sound mind. They will be rational and unbiased in their evaluation of the evidence. They will have read historical texts and alternative theories and come to their own conclusion. They have probably already read at least one of the following:

The Case For Christ
Mere Christianity
Strong’s Concordance
The Bible

But why waste time reading those heavy books, when you can simply visit Milan, look at a painting and make an intelligent decision.

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One Response to “[Asinine] The Da Vinci Code Ruined My Faith!”

  1. […] a ton of new, hidden, far more explosive secrets from Da Vinci’s famous painting and posted them last year, if anyone’s […]

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